How many times have you wanted to make a change, jumped into it, ready to go to find yourself back where you started? You may even find yourself worse off because your confidence to change just went down a couple of notches.

You will be happy to know you are not alone! Many of us jump right into action without doing the necessary prep. When it comes to your goals, reflect on each of the following:

1. When setting goals, listen to the language used. Do you hear yourself say “I will” or “I should”? If you hear “I should” dig a little deeper. Is this something somebody else wants you to do? Your doctor, spouse, children, society…?
2. Is it interesting, exciting, engaging or does it make you yawn?
3. Ask yourself “why”. Then ask yourself “why” 4 more times to dig deep to the heart of the matter. *Focus on positive whys. Meaningful, powerful whys are the fuel to persistence.
4. Create a “why do” list instead of a “to-do” list. When you discover your why you will discover your how!
5. Focus on any tiny bit of motivation vs resistance. Avoid fear based motivation. It’s not the best motivator when it comes to change.

Change takes time, patience, and planning. While it can be hard to accept failure, it is just a sign we need to modify our plan. Look for the lesson in failure. After all, we are a work in progress!  

Questions? Comments? Send me an email at elizabeth@bestselfcoaching.com

As a health coach and fitness expert, I often have clients come to me because they want me to motivate them. But where does motivation come from? I am talking about the kind of motivation that gets us out of bed in the morning to go for a walk before work or motivation that get’s us to the gym after a stressful day.

What we believe when it comes to physical activity influences our ability to sustain an exercise program. Having a narrow view of what constitutes exercise is self-limiting and tends to lead to an all or nothing attitude. A typical example is the belief that exercise counts only if we are at the gym for one hour. What if you don’t enjoy going to the gym?

Given this scenario, your chances of being successful are slim. Worst yet, you might criticize yourself as being weak-willed, and the vicious cycle of failure continues.

Why do you want to begin an exercise program? Weight loss, avoiding disease, aging well? These are valid motivators but they are all rooted in the future. We make decisions based on how we feel in the moment. When wrestling with the idea of going to the gym after a long, stressful day how energizing is “avoiding diabetes ten years down the road” as a motivator?

When we set out to “take charge of our health” we rarely exam our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about the changes we want to make and jump right into action.

To get off the diet and exercise roller coaster examine your beliefs by answering the following questions:

1. Is physical activity something you enjoy or does it feel like a chore?
2. Do you take your daily walk because your doctor says you should?
3. Do you exercise mainly to control your weight?
4. Do you eat “clean” and feel guilty when you have been “bad”?
5. Is the thought of going on another diet down right depressing?
6. Do you hear a lot of “shoulds” when talking about self-care?

If you want a different result, you have to go back to the thoughts and beliefs holding you back and move forward with a new narrative.

One Brain, Two Minds

Our brain uses two different and often conflicting systems to process information, drive our choices, and behaviors.

Mind #1: The logical mind:  “I’ll stick to my diet because it is healthy and will help me lose weight.”  The challenge with the logic based mind it the fact that it is much harder to exercise willpower when fatigued or stressed. You may start the day with good intentions but end the day in a very different place.  It is much easier to keep your long term goals in mind when making decisions when you are well rested.

Mind #2: The impulsive, emotional mind: The emotion-based mind is experiential and often automatic.  It motivates us based on how we feel and is often outside our awareness. Logic is screaming at you to avoid the cookies. Before you know it, half the box is gone!  

This phenomenon goes beyond diet and very much applies to exercise and other health behaviors. When we are in the moment, our choices are often driven by emotion especially when willpower is low. It is much harder to think about long-term goals and our future-self when we are low on energy.

Understanding the science of willpower can help you plan for the times you know you will be energy depleted. For most, it tends to be afternoon and evening.

For example, If you are exhausted after work and you are finding it challenging to stick with your goal of going to the gym how can you make it easier to follow through?  Set yourself up for success by eliminating any barriers, real or perceived. Go right to the gym after work instead of going home first. Keep your workout clothes in your car.  Logically we know we have more energy after exercising. But when you are tired after a long day, you are likely operating from your emotional, impulsive mind.

Understanding the science of motivation can help you tie positive emotions to your health habits by engaging in activities you enjoy and building awareness around how our health habits add to our daily quality of life. Focusing on how your daily walk improves your mood and energy level vs. thinking of your walk of something you have to do to lose weight.   

Lastly, do you look at your health habits like a chore or a gift?  When your health habits feel like a chore, the likelihood of continuing is slim.  If you find yourself saying “I should” when talking about your health goals they probably feel more like a chore.  When you can find the gift in what you are doing, you are more likely to continue.

Creating Powerful Resolutions and Goals That Stick!

Roughly 92% of us fail with our New Year’s resolutions. After a while, many stop making resolutions all together. With an 8% success rate, can you blame them?

Considering 45% of New Year’s resolutions involve getting fit or losing weight it is no wonder our confidence to change our health behaviors has eroded.

Why do so many of us fail when it comes to our resolutions? Most of us make New Year’s resolutions that are too big, too vague or too boring and lack the key elements that make goals compelling. Most resolutions tend to be outcome goals without the action steps to get there. How are you going to reach your destination without a map?

To increase your chances of success when it comes to your New Year resolutions write out what it is you would like to accomplish and make sure it contains one of the following characteristics:

• Intellectually stimulating
• Physically challenging
• Emotionally energizing
• Purposeful and meaningful

Breakdown your resolution into bite-sized action steps that will move you closer to your goal. For example “I am going to get in shape!” What do you mean by in shape? Do you want to be able to run a marathon or to make it up the stairs to your apartment without getting winded?

Describe what getting in shape looks like for you and create milestones for yourself to measure progress.

“I will eat five servings of fruits and vegetables each day.” While this goal is specific and measurable, does it make you want to rush to the grocery store and buy a bag of celery sticks? Probably not. When goals are boring and lack meaning they are easy to blow off.

To persevere, you have to pursue goals you care about. You have to ask yourself what’s at stake. What do you gain if you achieve the goal or what will you lose if you don’t? If you want to eat healthier to have the energy to keep up with your kids or grandkids, now we are talking!

Have you ever stopped to think about what you really value in life? How about your life’s purpose? Why do you get out of bed in the morning?

The truth is when our behaviors are driven by our values and life’s purpose we open the door to infinite possibilities.

If we don’t make decisions based on our values and life’s purpose we end of living in a constant state of guilt, shame and fear.

Defining what you value in life is an important piece of behavior change and goal achievement.  That being said, values and life purpose are separate than your goals. They are part of the foundation for your best self and make up the building blocks that help you achieve your goals.  Without defining your life’s purpose and values, goals are set on a shaky foundation with slim chance of success.

The typical New Year’s resolution is a great example. “I am going to lose 30 pounds.” This is an outcome goal. It is important to have behavioral goals and action steps to support outcome goals, but we will get into that later. How many people do you know, and maybe you are one of them, that started the New Year off with a bang and by February 1st, things were back to a fizzle?

The reality is, if you don’t have a lot invested in your goals they are easy to blow off and give up. If you define your life’s purpose and values clearly, keep them close to you and design your goals around them, your chance of success sky rockets.

Stay tuned for more!