At various moments, each of us has grappled with dwindling motivation, posing internal questions like “Why am I not feeling motivated?” or “What’s holding me back?” Unlocking your motivation can sometimes feel like searching for a light switch in a dark room. In this scenario, the “Why Do” list is your flashlight, illuminating your path to action with personal and compelling reasons.

Asking ourselves, “Why aren’t I more motivated?” leads to recounting all the reasons we’re avoiding a certain task, effectively reinforcing our reluctance. Instead of getting trapped in this cycle, follow these steps to create a powerful tool that reignites your drive and keeps you moving forward:

• Start by picking one thing you want to or should be doing but, for whatever reason, are feeling unmotivated.
• Stubbornly refuse to ask yourself the age-old, rational, yet highly un-motivating questions mentioned above.
  • Asking ourselves the wrong questions, we recite excuses, often leading to inaction or guilt.  
• Instead, focus on two more positive and motivating questions addressing why you want to do something, creating a list to get you to argue in favor of doing the task. 
  • The reasons should be timely, compelling, and personal.
• Why might I … (go to the gym, quit smoking, change my diet) 
• Why are these reasons important to me? (The key word being me)

As you will see, the answers help you rehearse the positive reasons for doing something. Instead of telling yourself, as you might have before this exercise, that you have to start walking because your doctor told you to or because your family wants you to, you may end up with much more personal and motivating reasons such as…

• I want to walk in the morning because I always feel better when I do. 
• I want to walk in the morning because my back feels better the rest of the day. 

The “Why Do” list is more than just a motivational technique; it’s a way to transform your perspective from what you feel you should do to what you genuinely want to do for your own deeply personal reasons. This shift in perspective is at the heart of Dr. Michael Pantalon’s Instant Influence technique, a scientifically backed method that has facilitated change and motivation across a diverse spectrum of scenarios—from health and wellness goals to organizational change.

Michael V. Pantalon, Ph.D., an esteemed psychologist and faculty member at the Yale School of Medicine, developed this technique based on the principles of Motivational Interviewing. It has proven effective in sparking motivation across a wide range of contexts, including among individuals facing addiction, mental health challenges, and professional stagnation. By tapping into your personal reasons for wanting change, you can discover a wellspring of motivation that is both enduring and deeply fulfilling. Why not embark on creating your “Why Do” list today and see where it can take you?

Adapted from Dr. Michael Pantalon Instant Influence technique. “These seemingly irrational questions are part of my very successful, scientifically-proven Instant Influence method (based, in part, on Motivational Interviewing), which has been shown to motivate people from the Emergency Room to the Board Room, from patients with addiction and mental illness in the South Bronx, NY to executives and employees of Fortune 100 companies who are resistant to organizational change, as well as, many other individuals from all walks of life. They may even work for you.  Why might you give it a try?”

Michael V. Pantalon, Ph.D. is an award-winning faculty member and psychologist at Yale School of Medicine.

In an era where our senses are constantly bombarded by stimuli – from the incessant pings of our cell phones to the ever-present screens in public spaces – it’s easy to lose sight of our goals amid the noise. This constant stream of distractions doesn’t just clutter our mental space; it strategically taps into our impulses, often to the advantage of marketers and to the detriment of our self-control.

For instance, consider the strategic placement of tempting items in stores, designed to exploit our distracted states. Impulse buys at the checkout or the entrance are not coincidental; they’re a calculated move to catch us at our most vulnerable. This environment makes it increasingly challenging to maintain self-awareness and manage our impulses effectively.

For example, distracted shoppers are more sensitive to in-store promotions and more likely to purchase items that were not on their list. Next time you are at the grocery store take a look at what you see when you first walk into the store and what you see in the check-out lane. There is a pretty good chance both areas are filled with impulse buys. Cookies, soda, chips, candy, magazines, lip balm, etc… You get the picture.

A proactive step towards countering this trend is to meticulously track the decisions we make throughout the day. By evening, reviewing these choices can reveal how many align with our long-term objectives and how many are mere products of distraction or impulse. This exercise isn’t just about tracking; it’s about cultivating a deep awareness of our habits and setting the stage for meaningful change. Remember, the principle that “what gets monitored gets managed” is key in regaining control over our actions.

Willpower is often misunderstood as a binary trait: you either have it, or you don’t. Does this resonate with you?

• “I’ve been so bad lately!”
• “Chocolate is my kryptonite. I just can’t resist it!”
• “Why can’t I stick to anything?”
• “I was doing so well, and then I just… wasn’t.”
• “I have zero willpower. Change is impossible for me.”

Contrary to these common sentiments, willpower is more like a muscle that requires proper nourishment, rest, and exercise to thrive. Here are five refined strategies to enhance and maintain your willpower, ensuring it remains robust and resilient.

1. Mindful Reflection: Slow down and pay attention to the moments when your willpower wanes. Understanding your vulnerabilities allows you to avoid situations that tempt you away from your goals. Work on identifying and removing the triggers that lead to unwanted behaviors.

2. Optimize Your Timing: Struggling to keep up with new habits? Examine the context. Attempting to exercise after an exhausting day or multitasking your chores and family commitments might be too ambitious. Monitor your energy levels throughout the day to find your optimal moments for self-care and habit formation.

3. Nourish Your Brain: Your brain’s ability to regulate thoughts, emotions, and actions relies heavily on proper nutrition. Consuming a balanced diet rich in carbohydrates, proteins, fats, vitamins, and minerals fuels both your brain and your willpower. Keeping a food and mood journal can help you connect how your diet influences your energy, sleep, mood, and willpower.

4. Rest and Reset: Adequate rest is crucial for willpower. Fatigue increases impulsivity, making goal adherence more challenging. Incorporate regular breaks for your brain and body throughout the day. Facing a willpower test? Try a short activity break to navigate the craving more effectively.

5. Cultivate Self-Compassion: Life is full of ups and downs. When you falter, treat yourself with kindness rather than criticism. Self-compassion is essential, as guilt can further deplete your willpower reserves.

6. Conduct an Energy Audit: Double down on understanding your daily energy flow by tracking your levels of energy and engagement from morning till night. Identifying your peak times can reveal when you’re most likely to succeed in practicing new habits. Tailor your goal-setting to align with these high-energy periods for enhanced success.

By implementing these strategies, you’re not just working on your willpower; you’re nurturing a sustainable foundation for personal growth and change. Remember, willpower thrives on patience, practice, and a little self-kindness.

Have you ever been charged with enthusiasm for change, taken the leap, only to find yourself back at square one, or perhaps feeling even more disheartened? If so, take solace in the fact that this is a common experience. The zeal to transform often sees many of us diving headfirst into action without the requisite groundwork, leading to discouragement when we falter. However, it’s crucial to recognize that each setback is an opportunity for refinement rather than a cause for diminished self-assurance.

Embarking on the journey of change is commendable, and to navigate this path successfully, consider pondering over the following aspects:

1. Language of Commitment: When setting your sights on a goal, pay close attention to the language you use. Is it filled with determinations of “I will” or the hesitancy of “I should”? The latter often signals external pressures or expectations—be it from family, societal norms, or professional obligations. Identifying this can help clarify whether the goal genuinely resonates with your personal desires and values.
2. Engagement Levels: Evaluate how the goal makes you feel. Does it spark excitement, stir curiosity, or does it induce a sense of dread? Your emotional response to your objective is a significant indicator of your intrinsic motivation to pursue it.
3. The ‘Why’ Deep Dive: Understanding the ‘why’ behind your goal is crucial. Challenge yourself with the question “why” five times to excavate the core reason driving your ambition. This process helps in uncovering a profound and compelling motivation, essential for sustaining your effort over the long haul.
4. Redefining Lists: Shift your perspective from crafting a conventional “to-do” list to developing a “why do” list. When you uncover the fundamental ‘why’ behind your actions, the ‘how’ becomes more apparent and attainable.
   
5. Embrace Positive Motivation: Focus on leveraging even the slightest inclination towards motivation over succumbing to resistance. Steer clear of motivations rooted in fear, as they are less effective and can undermine your resolve over time.

Change is inherently challenging, necessitating time, patience, and strategic planning. While failure can be disheartening, it’s essential to view it as a critical part of the learning process—a step towards refinement rather than a setback. Every failure brings with it a lesson, reminding us that we are perpetual works in progress, continually evolving and adapting. Remember, the journey of transformation is as much about the process as it is about the outcome.

Questions? Comments? Send me an email at elizabeth@bestselfcoaching.com

As a health coach and fitness expert, I often have clients come to me because they want me to motivate them. But where does motivation come from? I am talking about the kind of motivation that gets us out of bed in the morning to go for a walk before work or motivation that get’s us to the gym after a stressful day.

What we believe when it comes to physical activity influences our ability to sustain an exercise program. Having a narrow view of what constitutes exercise is self-limiting and tends to lead to an all or nothing attitude. A typical example is the belief that exercise counts only if we are at the gym for one hour. What if you don’t enjoy going to the gym?

Given this scenario, your chances of being successful are slim. Worst yet, you might criticize yourself as being weak-willed, and the vicious cycle of failure continues.

Why do you want to begin an exercise program? Weight loss, avoiding disease, aging well? These are valid motivators but they are all rooted in the future. We make decisions based on how we feel in the moment. When wrestling with the idea of going to the gym after a long, stressful day how energizing is “avoiding diabetes ten years down the road” as a motivator?

When we set out to “take charge of our health” we rarely exam our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about the changes we want to make and jump right into action.

To get off the diet and exercise roller coaster examine your beliefs by answering the following questions:

1. Is physical activity something you enjoy or does it feel like a chore?
2. Do you take your daily walk because your doctor says you should?
3. Do you exercise mainly to control your weight?
4. Do you eat “clean” and feel guilty when you have been “bad”?
5. Is the thought of going on another diet down right depressing?
6. Do you hear a lot of “shoulds” when talking about self-care?

If you want a different result, you have to go back to the thoughts and beliefs holding you back and move forward with a new narrative.

One Brain, Two Minds

Our brain uses two different and often conflicting systems to process information, drive our choices, and behaviors.

Mind #1: The logical mind:  “I’ll stick to my diet because it is healthy and will help me lose weight.”  The challenge with the logic based mind it the fact that it is much harder to exercise willpower when fatigued or stressed. You may start the day with good intentions but end the day in a very different place.  It is much easier to keep your long term goals in mind when making decisions when you are well rested.

Mind #2: The impulsive, emotional mind: The emotion-based mind is experiential and often automatic.  It motivates us based on how we feel and is often outside our awareness. Logic is screaming at you to avoid the cookies. Before you know it, half the box is gone!  

This phenomenon goes beyond diet and very much applies to exercise and other health behaviors. When we are in the moment, our choices are often driven by emotion especially when willpower is low. It is much harder to think about long-term goals and our future-self when we are low on energy.

Understanding the science of willpower can help you plan for the times you know you will be energy depleted. For most, it tends to be afternoon and evening.

For example, If you are exhausted after work and you are finding it challenging to stick with your goal of going to the gym how can you make it easier to follow through?  Set yourself up for success by eliminating any barriers, real or perceived. Go right to the gym after work instead of going home first. Keep your workout clothes in your car.  Logically we know we have more energy after exercising. But when you are tired after a long day, you are likely operating from your emotional, impulsive mind.

Understanding the science of motivation can help you tie positive emotions to your health habits by engaging in activities you enjoy and building awareness around how our health habits add to our daily quality of life. Focusing on how your daily walk improves your mood and energy level vs. thinking of your walk of something you have to do to lose weight.   

Lastly, do you look at your health habits like a chore or a gift?  When your health habits feel like a chore, the likelihood of continuing is slim.  If you find yourself saying “I should” when talking about your health goals they probably feel more like a chore.  When you can find the gift in what you are doing, you are more likely to continue.

Creating Powerful Resolutions and Goals That Stick!

Roughly 92% of us fail with our New Year’s resolutions. After a while, many stop making resolutions all together. With an 8% success rate, can you blame them?

Considering 45% of New Year’s resolutions involve getting fit or losing weight it is no wonder our confidence to change our health behaviors has eroded.

Why do so many of us fail when it comes to our resolutions? Most of us make New Year’s resolutions that are too big, too vague or too boring and lack the key elements that make goals compelling. Most resolutions tend to be outcome goals without the action steps to get there. How are you going to reach your destination without a map?

To increase your chances of success when it comes to your New Year resolutions write out what it is you would like to accomplish and make sure it contains one of the following characteristics:

• Intellectually stimulating
• Physically challenging
• Emotionally energizing
• Purposeful and meaningful

Breakdown your resolution into bite-sized action steps that will move you closer to your goal. For example “I am going to get in shape!” What do you mean by in shape? Do you want to be able to run a marathon or to make it up the stairs to your apartment without getting winded?

Describe what getting in shape looks like for you and create milestones for yourself to measure progress.

“I will eat five servings of fruits and vegetables each day.” While this goal is specific and measurable, does it make you want to rush to the grocery store and buy a bag of celery sticks? Probably not. When goals are boring and lack meaning they are easy to blow off.

To persevere, you have to pursue goals you care about. You have to ask yourself what’s at stake. What do you gain if you achieve the goal or what will you lose if you don’t? If you want to eat healthier to have the energy to keep up with your kids or grandkids, now we are talking!