The COVID-19 pandemic has accelerated the shift towards remote work, ushering in a new era of virtual meetings dominated by platforms like Zoom. However, amidst this transition, a significant challenge has emerged: how do we express and interpret emotions in the digital realm? This article explores the importance of Emotional Intelligence (EQ) and its digital counterpart (D-EQ) in navigating the complexities of virtual communication and connection

Why is EQ & D-EQ important?

Emotional Intelligence, popularized in the 1990s, refers to our ability to understand and manage our own emotions and those of others. Research has highlighted EQ as a crucial factor in successful teamwork, with teams led by emotionally intelligent leaders fostering environments of trust, collaboration, and innovation. Conversely, low EQ can lead to toxic work environments characterized by fear and anxiety, eroding psychological safety.

What does this look like in the digital landscape?

Digital Emotional Intelligence (D-EQ) is the ability to sense emotional responses—our own or other people’s—and use this affective information to guide thinking, behavior, and decision-making in the digital landscape.

What are some of the challenges to D-EQ?

In the digital landscape, mirroring—essential for building rapport—is hindered, making it difficult to pick up on emotional cues and connect with others effectively. Moreover, distractions abound, competing for our attention and diluting the quality of communication. These challenges underscore the need to develop and cultivate Digital Emotional Intelligence.

How can we build D-EQ?

Developing D-EQ is a skill that can be honed through personal and team rituals. Rituals such as communication tools, practicing mindfulness, and adhering to video meeting ground rules are vital in the digital landscape, but what do they look like?

Personal rituals include:

• Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness helps us suspend judgment and cultivate equanimity and compassion. It is easier to show up mindlessly, with preconceived judgments about the person or topic, and not really pay attention. It takes work to really hear what a person is saying. Listening is mindless; hearing is mindful. To start, ground yourself before going into a meeting. You don’t need to meditate for an hour before each meeting. It can be as simple as 3 deep breaths. Keep in mind a regular meditation or mindfulness practice has enormous benefits on brain health, and it makes the skill of mindfulness easier to tap into.
• Ask open-ended, guiding questions: Open-ended questions help you see things from the perspective of others. Guiding responses should be supportive in nature, not shift responses. Shift responses are self-referential statements indicative of conversational narcissism. Support responses are other-directed and open-ended.
• Use reflections: Reflections build trust and rapport and make the other feel heard. Empathy reflections clarify thoughts and feelings and ensure the other person feels understood. Content reflections and summarizations help clarify and recap conversations. Positive verbal behavior increases the quality of interactions, predicting more engagement, better relationships, and better performance.

Individuals with high levels of emotional intelligence have greater sensitivity and empathy and are able to express themselves. As a result, their direct reports and managers rate them as more effective leaders and give them higher performance ratings.

Team rituals can include:

• Virtual connectors: Warm-ups or icebreakers when starting a meeting help bring the virtual group into a shared mental space.
• Cameras on: Being on video all day is more mentally taxing than in-person meetings. Decide when “camera on” is necessary and when you can give your brain a break by turning the camera off.
• Designate a facilitator: A designated facilitator can set the tone for the meeting and keep it on point. The facilitator can also wrap up the meeting using summarizations and mutually agreed-upon action items.
• Hand raising: On video, it is difficult to pick up on the cues telling us someone wants to speak. It can feel awkward to unmute yourself and speak up, so many avoid it altogether. Hand-raising lets the speaker know you have something to say without feeling like you are interrupting the speaker.
• Polls/surveys: It is harder to “read the room” on video, so polls and surveys can be helpful.
• Chatbox: The chatbox can be distracting if ground rules aren’t set beforehand. Designate someone to monitor the chatbox.  

Teams with high levels of emotional intelligence have more cohesion, perform better, are more satisfied with team communication, and receive social support from other team members. In addition, there is a high degree of psychological safety.

Your best emotionally intelligent self:

What does your best emotionally intelligent self look like? At the end of the day, we can only change how we show up, BUT how we show up has a significant impact on those around us. How does emotional dysregulation affect those around you? When you have a positive interaction, how does it affect those around you? Emotions are contagious. How we show up collectively creates an emotional climate.

For example, people who witness rudeness are more likely to be rude to others. In addition, witnessing subtle rudeness leads to decreased performance and prosocial behaviors, such as helpfulness and resource sharing. As a result, we are less likely to help our fellow co-workers.

Reacting, belittling, cutting someone off, or not even listening is effortless behavior. It takes strength to listen to understand, respond with intention, and reflect with empathy. What ritual can you start with to help build a positive digital emotional climate and build the skill of D-EQ?